GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
