You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Randomize
