some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
