well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
