Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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