you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
