Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She told me I should be a condom model.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
