I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
