Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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