Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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