No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
