what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize