Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
