my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I am spending my child support on dildos
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
