im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
