I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
