I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I had to cum in my sink.
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