when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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