Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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