We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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