sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
