this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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