So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
