my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
did i just pee glitter
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