Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
