Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
