69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
