i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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