He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize