Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
