The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
