Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
