i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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