i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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