Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
