we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
