I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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