youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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