News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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