were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
God I need to hump something, right now.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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