If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I love you. Go after that dick
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
