I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
