I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
