apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
