just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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