Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize