She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize