Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
She said her name was "party"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
