I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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