I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
It's just like the Real World with babies
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
