Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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