You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
