Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
