real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
