Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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