On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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