I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
