if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
