Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Hippo gnu deer
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
