I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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