I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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