My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
