operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
