UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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