help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
