We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
you never un-have a 4some
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
