Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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