saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
