Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
