...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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