This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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