somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
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