iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
